Songs for my Beloved
by MilkshakeKimxx
Summary: This is about Carlisle and Esme of course and when they meet in a mysterious place, Esmes heart fills with a song.   But will she be able to stay away from him to save him from himself or will she just fail and save him in a way so humanly possible. A/H x
1. Total Eclipse of the heart

_**Hi guys, this story will be solely about Carlisle and Esme my favourite characters Ever! they are so sweet together.**_

_**Hope you like it, and PLEASE, please, please. Review.**_

_**kimberley xx**_

**summary: ALL HUMAN! Carlisle and Esme meet in the strangest place possible; A S****CHOOL!So, it's not that strange. Anyway Esme meets Carlisle and can't seem to forget about him, and Carlisle feels just the same way. BTW, Carlisle's 23, Esme's 22. The kids are about 8-9 ish.  
**

**Total Eclipse of the Heart.**

**chapter 1:**

**Esme's P.O.V**

_'I really need you tonight, forevers gonna start tonight,_**_'_  
**

With a grumpy sigh, I switched off my alarm. Why do I listen to these love songs? It only makes me sulk.

Okay, shower Esme, then you can get back to your moping. So thats what I did, I had a shower, dried and styled my hair and got dressed in a casual outfit of: a normall purple long sleved top, dark jeans, brown -not real leather- boots and of course a scarf and black leather jacket.

On the way out I grabbed my bag, keys and a pear. With a very happy smile, I turned the engine on and drove all the way to the school, where Emmett, my nephew had a parents day, though I'm not his parent, I'm just going there for some fun. Luckily, there was a space in the parking lot, where I could just fit my batterd, old ford.

"Aunty Ez, Aunty Ez!" the recogniseable voice caled from the school building.

I gave him a small wave and locked up my car.

"Come on, Esme. We're having a dancing comp!"he yelled.

Not again! Emmett had a thing for me dancing, he loved it, though I don't know why.

"Em," I whined," I'm not doing any dancing."

This was where he did his cute eyes and begged and offered to be my slave and tell me he loves me and I'll be his best friend.

"Puh-lease, Esme. I love you and...I'll be your best friend...I'll hover your house..." he babbled.

I rolled my eyes and took his hand, while he still promised me he would buy me a castle for my birthday and give me all this stuff.

With little amount of force, I pushed the office door open and followed as Emmett pulled me through to what looked like a gym.

"Please." he whispered.

He small hands found mine as he pushed play on a little music player hanging from his pocket.

"Em," I tried to say but he was already on one knee. "May, I have this dance?" he asked, his voice barley louder then the song.

The problem was, I couldn't refuse him, so with a nod of my head I let him dance around and try to twirl me to_ Total eclipse of the heart._

_"Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you never coming round."_

His pink cheeks lifted as he gave me the most cheekist smile._  
_

_"and I need you now tonight, and i need you more then ever, and if you only hold me tight. We're be holding on forever and we're only be making it right."_

I hardly noticed I was singing the words and actually twirling with my nephew untill I bumped into someone. And that someone was beautiful.

"I'm so-"

His dark blue eyes looked up to mine, his arm snaked around my lower waist and his hand locked into mine.

"Do you mind?" he whispered into my ear. My cheeks were heating up as I slowly shook my head.

"Good," He smiled, his blonde locks shining into the light.

Then in a flash of speed I was being twirled and spined and...I was dancing properly. With a stranger ,to the same song.

"You have a beautiful voice,"

I laughed and followed his footsteps. When I was younger, we had to learn this dance off by heart so I knew it well.

Under my breath, I hummed the tune and carried on steping and dancing untill the song came to an end.

I really couldn't help it, i burst into a fit off gigles as did my stranger.

"Carlisle," he introduced shaking my hand.

"Esme," I said smiling.

"So, which ones yours?" he asked. Emmett came and stood beside me and was practically shaking with anger.

"You thief. How could you? That was _my_ dance, not yours!" He yelled.

"Em, don't be rude. I had fun." He didn't believe me.

"You Thief, you stealer. Why I have the right mind to-"

"Did, you just call my dad a _thief_?"Growled a young bronze haired boy. "How dare you! Your mum's just a flirt!" He yelled.

Me and Carlisle were both staring at the ground, embarressed by the children in front of us.

"firstly; shes not my mum, secondly;" thats when Emmett drew back his hand and whacked him in the face.

"Emmett!" I shrieked in scoldment. "What have I told you about losing your temper?"

then it satrted. The small boy hurdled himself at emmett and pounded any place possible.

"Edward Antony Cullen! get off him now!" Carlisle growled as he grabbed Edward off of Emmett.

"You, you, You!" Edward shouted in rage.

"You git!" Emmett finished.

"Thats it Emmett, You are so grounded starting now! Say sorry to mr Cullen? And his son _or _I won't dance with you this weekend!" I threatned.

"No! Ez you can't do that I need you to-" With a heaved sigh he turned to Carlisle and Edward and whispered his apology.

"Edward. Apologize, now." Carlisle said in a firm tone

"Im sorry...that your a twit! Argh!" and with that it started again.

"Edward! stop it Now!"

"Emmett Mcarthy. I swear to God." I yelled grabbing him by the collar.

Edward glared at Emmett and then turned to loo at his father who was bllushing almost the same colour as me. The way his eyes turned down when he saw his fathers face, his cheeks brighton with anger. It was blantenly obvious Edward was quite upset about this.

"Miss Platt. I'm terribly sorry if it seems like I insulted you, I was only trying to get at Emmett. "

He brushed his hair out of his face as he came and shook my hand.

"I know, Edward. And -er- thanks" I quickly added.

"Oh Esme. Holy crap you cannot believe this sh-" he suddenly fell silent as his gaze locked upon a beautful little girl with pretty blue eyes like Carlisle's and gorgeous lond blonde and straight hair.

"Oh, my god. Hi Emmett," she whispered shyly, half hiding behind her father.

"Rose...Er..Wheres Jasper?" Asked a very confused dad.

"I dont know." she giggled as for Emmett. He was the most luminous colour of red I had ever seen.

"Hey, Rose." he whispered. Aw, They like_ like_ eachother. Aw, thats so cute.

"Well, Emmett why don't you show 'Rose' your dance moves?"

He eyes nearly poped out of his head as did Edwards.

"No way!" they both yelled.

I couldn't help it, I burst into another laughing joined by Carlisle.

"Rose, you are not dancing with that twirp, he hit me!" Whined the cute Edward.

"You hit him. Aw, thats so sweet." she crooned then she whacked Edward round the head. "Don't hit him," she said dazily as she walked up to Emmett.

"You look gorgeous."

"I know." she said, twirling her hair.

"Kids," I muttered. My eyes looking back at Carlisle's.

"Well, we better get going. It was great meeting you. But we better get going." His hand quickly reached inside his pocket and then he grabbed my hand, kissed it a placed a card inside it.

"Thanks," I called, dragging Emmett away from Rose.

It wasn't untill my gaze was drawn away, did I notice in my hand was a card:

_Dr Carlisle Cullen_

_1785 Threadway Heath_

_241-029._

In my shaking hands was what was left of my stolen heart.

It really was a total Eclipse of _my _heart.

**Please tell me what you think, I really hope you like it. Please review, its my first fanfic towards my favourite charcters, love ya and thanks x**


	2. How to save a life

**Carlisle's point of view.**

**2000.**

_"Carlisle, Honey. If you love me, you would get up."_ _The beautiful voice from my wife blackmailed._

_"I love you." I sighed grogily, as I pulled her by the shirt-Which was my light cream one- and onto the bed._

_"You have work!" she said._

_My wife was beautiful, she had piercing green emerald eyes, beautiful bronze hair and a sweet smile._

_"And you have another bruise." I noticed._

_Softly, I brushed my hand over her buldging belly which held none other than the worlds most perfect life; my son. Eight and a half months, nine beautiful months of watching my son grow and my wife beg for silly things like: jam, orange juice, meatballs and pot noodles. The one problem I had with this, was the fact that she constantly threw up and she hated it. Her small frame would shake violently until nothing was left._

_"I swear to god, this baby hates me. I could of sworn he bit me the other day" She complained._

_"Love bites, Eh? Well it seems like someone is stealing my job." I growled playfully as my lips whispered the words of how much I loved my woman against her belly. She soon complained again when I reached her bottom lip._

_"Don't Carlisle, I've just thrown up." She threatned. Oh great._

_"You know how to put a man off his breakfast." I laughed. She did her famous smile then kicked me out of the bed. "Oi," I laughed again._

_"I'm allowed. I'm pregnant!" she said._

_I sighed and got dressed for work. "Your killing me, Liz, killing me." I grabbed all my stuff and just as I was heading out the door she stopped me._

_"Hurry home." She said gabbing me by the tie and giving me a kick kiss. My arms squezzed her waist ever so softly, for I didn't wanna harm my son._

_"I thought you were sick. ?" I said frowning._

_"I lied. Oh and Carlisle...Shake that ass. And also tell that new training nurse that you **are **married."_

_"Bye honey."_

_'Step one you say we need to talk, he walks you say sit down it's just a talk. He smiles politely back at you, You stare politely right on through_.'

_***** 3 weeks later*****_

_"You look so sexy with my shirt on,"  
_

_I leaned across the dinning room table and took her soft face into my hands. "Well," She said. "You look sexy **without** your shirt." My eyes rolled as an automatic response ,I loved her so much it hurt to be without her and luckily enough she knew that. I had my whole life in my hands and I was impatient to start my family._

_"Aw, Honey your so cute, I could just..." I pressed my lips to hers just as soon as she jerked away._

_"Elizabeth?" I asked worriedly._

_"Crap, Crap, Crap. Call -pant- the -argh- Ambulance." she panted._

_Oh crap! I was starting to freak out. He was coming. My son was coming._

_"Don't you dare faint on me Bitch."_

_I laughed weakly and grabbed the phone. This was the moment of my life. The one I was going to remember forever.  
_

_Edward weighed 6 pounds and 6 ounces he even had cute bronze hair and his mothers eyes._

And I was right that moment was one of the best ones of my whole life. And it was alot easier then Rose and Jaspers.

_'Some sort of window to your right as he goes left and you stay right_._ Between the lines of fear and blame, You began to wonder why you came_.'

***1 year later****

_"Oh god, This is so not funny anymore!" she groaned_, _half bent over the bed_.

_"Sweet heart, You're doing brilliantly. Come on. Just breathe." I gave her an awkward one armed hug, for I had Edward in my arms_.

"_Oh, God! I love you._"_ She panted._

_With a chuckle, I stroked her belly and kissed her lips, It would off last longer if Edward hadn't started crying._

_"I love you too." She said, stroking his hair and kissing him on the head._

_"Carlisle? Something doesn't feel right." she gasped._

_"What? Don't worry Honey, You're just nervous." I soothed, smothing her braided hair._

_"No, Carlisle. I need to go to hospital. Now!"  
_

_We drove to the hospital where she was taking into an emergancy caesarean._

_"I love you both." she whispered from the bed._

_"Elizabeth Cullen. I love you with all my heart." I kissed her softly and wacthed as my wife got wheeled away._

That was the last time I saw Elizathbeth Louise Masen Cullen_, _When she was distressed and worried as hell_. _My last words to her were ones which were engraved into my heart for years after that.

That was the worst night of my sad sorry life and I didn't get better untill it got worse.

_'Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend. Somewhere along in the bitterness and I would have stayed up with you all night, had I known how to save a life.'_

**2005**

_My eyes strianed the small computer screen. Why couldn't I just concentrate on this paperwork? If Liz was here she would've helped._

_"Your problem, Carlisle. Is that you get so easily distracted." she would laugh._

_Come on focous, but I couldn't. No matter how I tried to focous my mind was somewhere else. After all of these years I was still with Liz, I'd never gotton over her and I never would._

_'Dad, dad. Edward.' Rosalie panted, frantically pointed towards the window._

_'Not now Rose.' I said ,pushing her outside._

_'No,...daddy...Edward...naughty.' she said, still trying to get her breath back._

_'Rosalie, not now!' I said more sternly this side._

_'Oi, dad. He's being bad!' she schreeched._

_'Rosalie Lillian Cullen. Remove yourself from my study, before I remove it for you!' I yelled._

_Her small blue eyes filled with a deep litre of water, too soon they bubbled over and she wailed in distress._

_'Oh, Rosalie, oh never mind.' I said pretty annoyed with myself for upsetting her. She turned on her heel and ran out of the room still crying like there was no tomorrow._

_With a sigh, I slumped back onto the office seat and tried to finish my paper work, with little success._

_Suddenly a scream caught my attention, I looked out the window where a bronze haired boy was being pushed into a van._

_Bronze hair...EDWARD! I scrambled from my desk and ran as fast as I could towards the van where a very drunken man stood there holding a knife towards my chest. 'My son's in there, let him out. Please, I'lll do anything.' I begged. through the window, Edward screamed and kicked the van door, trying to get out. 'Dad!' he yelled._

_The man took one look at me and laughed in my face where I caught a strong smell of alcohol._

_I was more than petrified now, I was furious aswell._

_'I said thats my son!' I growled, making my knee meet his crotch. He screamed ined in pain as I pulled him by the hair onto the ground._

_'Edward, get back!' I orderd, kicking the door repeatedly. first, then a second time and finally the door creaked and fell off left on only by a hinge. I grabbed him into my arms and called the police with the other hand, still keeping Edward firm to myside._

_'Don't ever do that again!' I told him, hugging him tightly and kissing his forehead._

I've never let them out my sight since. He was my first son and he was all that I had left of Lizzie_._ I couldn't believe I was such a crap father towards my beautiful children.

I only hope I get my confidence back in time for Esme. Esme, such a great gal, such a beautiul girl. I would havce to do my best to impress her thats if she wanted to see me again.

_**Okay what do you think? I know its pretty =S but I hope you like it, and hey if you reallyu like a song and want it to be for a chapter then go ahead and please tell me xxxx Thanks**  
_


	3. Time of my life

**_Hi again guys._**

**_ I might not be writing for a long time, my mums got an op =S but I hope you'll forgive me as I'm so unbelievably grateful for you all who are reading this. Thank you, and I love reviews lol =). and thank you to all my reviewers and readers. xxx BTW if you don't know this chapters song go on youtube and type in dirty dancing time of my life. x hope you really enjoy xxxx  
_**

******Esme's point of view**

I'm going to phone him right about...now. What am I talking about? I can't phone him, I'll go insane, maybe he was just pranking me, thats happened a few times. Well seven to be exact, god Emmetts friends are sweet.

Anyway I'm going to phone him...no I'm not...yes I am. I can do this, I'm, a responsible, mature (sort of), independant lady. Who am I kidding? I'll never be able to do that. Nope, I'm gonna do it! I'm going to phone him.

With shaking hands, I picked up the home phone and dialed his number from his card. After about 3 rings a girl picked it up, I soon remembered it to be Rosalie.

"Hello?" She answered.

"Urm Is your-"

"Oh, my god. You're Esme, right? I'll go get dad." she interupted. Then she went zooming off to go find her father. Oh god. Was I sure I wanted this? I mean it could be to early to do this again. Ok, maybe I'm worring to much but...I was nevous.

"Y-ello" A smooth voice answered. Well someone's happy.

"Hi, It's err...It's.." Damn it! What was my name? I'd forgotton. I can't remember my own name. Bugger!

"Is that you Esme?" He asked worriedly. That was my name; Esme. How could I of forgotton my own name?

"Uh-huh. urm so...Dr Cullen."

He laughed softly. "Guess you know my occupation then, huh?"

"Mm-hm. So.." What do I say?

"I wanted to ask you to dinner but...Well I didn't have time?" He chuckled softly.

"Is that a date Dr. Cullen?" I asked, partly nervous. Well incredibly nervous.

"Sure is. Well...if you want? I mean I haven't been on a date in years."He sighed, chuckiling again.

Well that surprised me. Hasn't had a date in years? Wow. That _has_ amazed me.

"Well, err I've got to go...Rosalie not now...urm I'll meet you at your house around 7:30 is that ok?...Where do you live?"

God he hardly gave me enough chance to smile. "Seabrooke road number 16." I breathed. Well I remember where I live but of course I forget my own name. Insane or what?

"Okkie dokie. See you...urm tonight."

"Tonight?" I squeaked.

"Is that a bad time. It's just I'm busy the rest of the week." He almost sounded sorry.

"Nah, tonight's fine. See ya."

"Bye."

And with that, he hung up. Oh god! I need to get ready!

I choose a simple purple silk dress, which I thought would go nicely, the only problem was; shoes. Do I wear heels? Or was I tall enough already? I couldn't remember how tall he was. Does he like the poshed up look? He might think I'm a slut! Oh, what do I do? Right, flat shoes. No heels, no sandles, no. Urgh! What do I choose? I hate making decisions!

With in seconds after having an argument with myself, there was a knock at the door. Bugger! I quickly ran to the door, stumbled to open and there of course was a _fine_ looking Doctor.

"Hell-_Whoa_. You look...breathtaking." He breathed again and shook his head, like he had just gotton himself lost in something.

"Thanks. So do you." I hadn't even looked at his body, I was too busy occuping myself with his beautiful face.

Nice, jeans and a white button down shirt. Of course not forgetting the aftershave, sexy stubble and cute, trashed up trainers. This guys got style, in the most casual outfit. I mean, I bet he looks gorgeous in scrubs too. Not saying that I would purposly hurt myself to get to the hospital, to get him to '_Check Me Out_', quite literally. Though, that is a good idea.

"Thank you, are you ready?" His asked sweetly, flashing me a quick gleam at his perfect straight, white teeth.

Bugger, the A-Y-R word. "Errr, no, need you to help me choose some shoes," I said grabbing his hand and towing him to me shoe rack. I swear I saw him roll his eyes on the way. Though his mouth felll down in shock when he saw the amount of shoes. He seemed unable to talk.

"Yeah, I have a niece by the name of Alice." I whispered.

He seemed to nod in agreement. "That pair." he said. Grabbing a pair of deep purple heels of the top shelf- which I couldn't even reach-Surprisingly they were the same colour as my dress.

Aw, he looks so...sexy, when his shirt shows his low belly, and what am I saying?

"Ready, yet?" He asked. So impatient.

**_'Now I had a time of my life,_**

**_no, i've never felt like this before.  
_**

**_Yes I swear, It's the truth and I owe it all to you._**

**'Cause I've had the time of my life**

**and I owe it all to you.'**

It wasn't to long till we got to the resturant. And the resturant...Well, it was_ HUGE_**_. _**

A beautiful bungalow type place which was dimly lit with beautiful neon blue lights. It quite literally took my breath away.

"Do, ya like it?" He asked. Flashing his bright blue eye's at me.

"Of course. It's very. Alluminous"

"Good. May, I?" He asked, offering a bent arm. Happily, I placed my hand in the crook of his arm and followed him inside the cafe. Where inside, it was even better. Bright, soothing, almost empty. And warm nice and warm. The interior colours for the inside we're different though. It was like a light beige mixed with a dark chocolate brown. Very warm colours for a very warm room. This was my sort of style. I mean, I like light colurs, I like bold colours, I like cool colours but warm simple colours are the ones that capture my attention and my heart.

He gentlemanly held out the chair, from a table for me and I happily sat down.

"Your going to love the food." He bragged, giving me a diehard cheeky smile.

"Keep the change," He told the oogiling waitress. This particular blonde waitress was extremly testing my patience. She was purposly doing every thing to get Carlisle's attention. She _even_ wrote her number in ketchup, for god sake. He did quickly smudge it with his chips though, hoping I wouldn't notice. But I did. I had trouble fighting the urge not to floor the cow.

He helped me up and walked me outside."That only took two hours." He complained, doing a grumpy face. I giggled a bit, he was purposerly trying to make me laugh. "Something the matter?" I asked.

We were happily swinging our clasped hands. We probably looked like right old twirps, when Carlisle began to skip dragging a laughing me along with him. "I was hoping to be out really late. I wanna feel like a bad college student tonight." He pouted. Using some of his showing-off energy to jump on a high rock and to a heroic pose. I laughed again.

"Well, then _DR. CULLEN_," I pointed out. "Why don't we go somewhere else?" I offered.

He put on a silly thinking face and was waiting for me to do the same, so I did. Causing us both to laugh like loony toon's.

Then something out the corner of my eye, caught my attention. A big bright pink neon sign, advertising a club sort of thing.

Bada, bing- Bada, boom. An idea struck me like a firebolt.

I grabbed his hand and started to run, accidently nearly knocking him off his feet on the way.

"Where are we running?" He asked , laughing along with me. Faster I ran. I was good at running in heels. I used to do it a lot.

"My cars' back there." He jokingly complained. Another laugh escaped my lips but I carried on running. Round one corner, round another. Then finally. The fireway dance club. A dance club from my youth.

"This is, well. Err nice." He stuttered.

"Wait till you see the inside." I bragged. Dragging him inside the entrance along with myself.

Charles, another_ thing_ from my youth, was slouching over the ticket holder.

I was about to walk straight through, but he stopped me. "Tickets are £10 and-Oh my, is that you Esme?"

Carlisle had calmed down from his showing off hours and almost seemed embarresed now. He was already getting out his wallet when I stopped him.

"Can I go In?" I asked or almost snapped. Charles was one of the freaky pervy guys at my high school. The one that everyone thought was crazy.

"Sure," He grinned. His dark hair falling over his face like it used to. I was such a regular customer that the manager, Carmen and Eliza Denali would always let me and a friend in for free. Though I did recently hear, that Carmen and Eliza had three children.

I began to walk through when he stopped me. "Not him, Esme."

Carlisle smirked and started to get his wallet out, but like last time, I stopped him.

"What? Charles. Eliza and Carmen know me. They said I was allowed in for free, _with a friend_." I added almost rudely.

Carlisle was rubbing the back of his neck, practically wishing for the floor to eat him up.

"Can you prove that?" He snapped.

This time, I smirked. I placed both small fingers into my mouth and gave the loudest whistle I could. Carlisle shudderd. Whoops, maybe a little too loud. Not long after Carmen was standing there. "Esme? What's going on? Its good to see you." She grabbed me in a tight hug.

"This bozo here won't let me in, after what you said that-"

"Yeah, yeah. free admission. Go on in. Have fun." She smiled. let me go and then she turned back to Charles. Well he was in for a bollocking.

I grabbed Carlisle's hand and dragged him into the club, where of course it was surrouned by people and there were alluminous lights wisping everywhere.

"That wasn't very nice...that guy liked you." Carlisle said smirking again. I gave him the 'insulted look', which made him laugh.

"It's pretty loud in 'ere." He concluded. I rolled my eyes and dragged him to the dancefloor.

I stood him standing, almost telepathically telling him to stay. He seemed to get the idea.

I quickly ran up to the DJ box calling out to the guy on the box.

"Oi, Jimmy?" I called.

The handsome guy turned. "Ez? oh, 'ello sweet tha'ng. You alright, Hun?" he asked. Jimmy was 30-somet and a very happy go lucky guy , he loved to flirt and wind people up.

"I'm with someone, Jimmy." I sighed, smiling.

"I know, I'm-ma only messing with, ya. Do ya' want the usuall?" He asked.

"Please," I said eargerly. He gave me a wink as I ran back to Carlisle.

"He liked you, too" He said, laughing again. "Anyway, hello" he added.

I laughed and waited. "You'll like this song, or at least I will. This is one of my all time favourites." I said, grabbing his hand and letting him roll of into the music.

_**'I've been waiting for so long**_  
_**Now I've finally found someone**_  
_**To stand by me**_  
_**We saw the writing on the wall**_  
_**As we felt this magical**_  
_**Fantasy.**_

**_Now with passion in our eyes_**  
**_There's no way we could disguise it_**  
**_Secretly_**  
**_So we take each other's hand_**  
**_'Cause we seem to understand_**  
**_The urgency just remember_**

**_You're the one thing_**  
**_I can't get enough of_**  
**_So I'll tell you something_**  
**_This could be love because_**;

**_I've had the time of my life_**  
**_No I never felt this way beforeYes I swear it's the truth_**  
**_And I owe it all to you.'_**

My heart was frantically beating. Faster and faster**_, _**when the song, slowly ended. He gently grabbed the back of my neck bringing my face closer to his and slowly, closing the space. Only a couple of seconds ,now**. **I could feel his unevened breath on my lips and then. HEAVEN. His lips whispered his passion into my own lips, causing my head to swim in so many thoughts**.**

Then suddenly a shriek echoed from outside. A female shriek. Me and Carlisle both rapidly broke away and sprinted outside where a young pregnant girl was on the floor gasping for air. Her boyfriend was holding a young toddler and panicing, he was trying to do whatever he could to help. Beside, me Carlisle froze. then he quickly ran over to the girl and started checking her over, but big heavy tears were leaking down his red cheeks.

"Miss...I'm a...I'm-ma...I'm a doctor...I c-can...help."He gasped.

I was trying to help the boyfriend calm down. He was crying and fretting, too. "What do I do? Your Husband, he will help, yeah?. He will help." It was sort of an order rather then a question, I answered anyway. "He will help." I promised.

"What's your son called?" I asked. "Embry. Oh, what am I going to do?" He sobbed.

My eyes flashed over too Carlisle where his shirt was soaked from the mysterious tears leaking down his cheeks. "I promise, I will help you." He sighed.

"Esme, this young women needs to get to hospital and she needs to get there now!" he almost growled at me. "NOW,ESME!" he yelled.

It wasn't his fault, he was worried, almost scared shitless. I ran over and opened the car door behind them. The car was a faded red with scratches along the side. It wasn't that much off a state compared to my car at home.

"On three, I need you to help me get her in the back of the car." He ordered. I nodded and ran over to help lif the girl up. But something stopped me. The man in front of me, may be determined, but he was hurt. The pain in his eyes was so intense,so heartbreaking.

"Oh, Carlisle. Are you ok?" I asked, hoping to dear god he wouldn't snap at me again.

"Esme," He said softly, the pain drowning his earlier happy face."Not, now. Just help me. One...two...three."

My knee's nearly buckled from the weight. God, pregnant people are heavy! We somehow managed to get her in the car, don't ask how, and I went in the front while Carlisle stayed in the back with her, being all doctor-y. He was multi-tasking; on the phone, and keeping his attention on the girl.

"Whats your name?" I asked the girl, trying to calm her down a little bit.

"Lizzy." she panted. beside her, Carlisle winced.

"You listen to me Dr. Snow. This is an emergancy and I don't think I will be able to-" He paused, there was a muffled yelling from the otherside.

"But-! I'm serious. There are some home-...Please. I can't...Fine!" He spat the last bit out. "I'll do it, happy? Yeah. We're there."

I had to help get 'Lizzy' into a wheel chair and watched as her boyfriend ran beside her. "I love you." He said giving her a swift kiss on the lips.

"Me, too."

I was only just about keeping up. When Carlisle stopped me. "You might want to go home." He told me, though he wouldn't make eye contact. with a frustratedlook, I grabbed his flushed face into my hands, making sure he couldn't look away and watched as a tear flowed down from the corner of his eye and splashed onto his shirt.

"Don't worrry. I'm not leaving untill you leave. Good luck."I wished him.

"Esme-" He tried to protest buy I interrupted him by giving him a hug. "You will do fine." I promised.

He nodded and stroked my cheek before running off after the couple. So, I made my way to the waiting room alone.

To be deeply worried, was so far me. I was worried for all of them. Espicially Carlisle. I wanted to know what the tears explianed, but more importantly, I wanted to make him me confident again.

Well, I was prepared to wait hours and hours.

_***.*.*.***_

_**What do ya' think? I really hope you like it. Please tell me what you think x**_

_**Kim xxx**_


	4. This aint a love song, this is goodbye

_Hello guys, _

_Sorry I haven't written for a long time, its because my moms just had her last breast cancer op,hopefully. =/ But she's gr8 =) Nd my English teacher is simply awesome and I've given him one of my stories and he said he preferred it to my other one, but, he hasn't finished reading it yet, so *shrug* but i was thinking of showing him this story and seeing what he thinks, because he's my favourite teacher yet and I'm really trying to impress him so i MIGHT be in with a chance of getting a gifted and talented award, and so it would REALLY help if you sent your reviews =) lol._

_Anyway I really hope you guys are enjoying this story and ALL reviews are welcome and I really hope you like it._** And by the way Carlisle's not 23, slight error =S he's 28 and Esme's 27.  
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P.s; I'm writing this from the 5/11/10 but now I would probably say...MERRY XMAS! P.S- A HAPPY NEW YEAR 2!**  
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**Carlisle's point of view**

"NO, please. Don't do this." I was begging the girl on the operating table, '_don't, you can live, please_,' It didn't seem to be working.

"_Please!_" I screamed, compressing harder onto her chest.

"Right we're going to get defibrillator, now!" I snapped, the kid I was snapping at was a trainee who had only started training here a month ago. He was quite a tall kid with red cheeks, massive dimples and short wavy hair, which he called 'brown', simply because you couldn't call it any other colour. He had one or two freckles, a small nose and big blue eyes. He seemed shocked at the fact that I had just screamed him an order.

"Please tell me you know what a defibrillator is, you know..._.ZZT_" I indicated with my hands the shock of the pads. He nodded frantically and whizzed down the corner.

"What idiot doesn't know what a defibrillator is?" I exclaimed angrily, compressing harder. SHE HAS TO LIVE!

"Dr. Cullen. Please refrain from insulting my staff at a time where your brains are needed." Dr Bray told me sternly. The kid came round and set it up, trying to prove that he was a good doctor. I couldn't believe it. I was the only one putting in every effort to save this girls life and they just stand two steps back watching.". Its bring ten minutes maybe we should-. I mean you can hardly see for the tears streaming down your eyes and we understand your emotion for Eliza-" My glare made her stop short.

"Don't you _dare _bring her up at a time like this, don't you _dare!_" I soon found myself screaming again and frantically wiping my eyes with so much anger, that I was surprised my tear ducts weren't destroyed.

"Sir, its ready." The nurse who was one of the only help full ones forcing air into her mouth took a step back looking deeply shaky. Why the hell was everyone shaking around here? It's a hospital not a dancing disco!

I grabbed the handles of the pads and growled my instructions. "Charging to three-sixty. Clear!" pressing firmly down on the k-y strip. _Come on! If we can save your twins we can save you. _"Clear!"_ Come-on! _" Dr. Cullen, she's not-"

"No!" I compressed even harder onto the girls chest.

"Time of death-"

"Didn't you hear me?" I asked. Why couldn't she understand? This girl needed to live. She had to. Dr bray gave me a long and hard look. "Time of death: twenty-one, forty-five PM on the fifth of November." she murmured, still holding to fingers to the girls neck.

"We did all we could. Dr. Cullen, you are free to go." she stripped of her gloves while I ripped of my own gloves and slammed them into the bin. _She could of lived!_ "Oh, really. whose going to tell her husband -boyfriend, whatever, the news, huh? Are one of you going to go out there and tell that guy, you know the one who can't even see because of the tears, that he has just lost his wife because the staff got so freaked out they just let one doctor, a nurse and a trainee fight for this girls life?" I was yelling all over again, and not only yelling, but yelling at my boss."Dr. Cullen! You are under a lot of stress. You should go home and calm down! Death is a natural part of life." she was fuming now, her arms were getting thrown everywhere telling _me_ to calm down. "We will tell him are self. Now, go home!" Was she insane? What a total idiot. How dare she. "They will feel calmer if someone who is calm themselves tell them. I know I've had to deliver bad news before."

More tears were streaming down my cheeks.

"Oh, yeah. I forgot. It was _you_ who knew how it felt when the staff -not the Doctor- tells them their wife has just died." She was about to but in but I began again. "It was _you who _was suffocating on the floor when the doctor refused to talked to you. NO, IT WAS _YOU_, WHO CAME DOWN EVERY BLOODY DAY REPEATEDLY ASKING FOR THE DOCTOR WHO TRIED TO SAVE YOUR WIFE'S LIFE AND THEN GOT DENIED BECAUSE HE WAS ON 'HOLIDAY'. You know what? I think its better if I deliver the news!" My long screaming match, sounded like a mumbled cry at the end. I was crying. I was crying all over again. I needed to go home. This was a moment I needed to be with my family.

I stormed out of the corridor and was just about to run to the maternity ward, where the girl's boyfriend, fiancee, or husband would be. But before I did, I shook all the anger out of my body, wiped my face with my hands and walked into the men's. I _needed_ to get a hold of myself. Not only for Esme but for the spouse as well. When I was done I began my journey down the corridor, again. This corridor seemed to stretch out for miles, I mean I could even see the poor guy. Unhappily he was bouncing his son on his hip, his own tears streaking down his face flowing slowly down his ghostly face and onto the boy's t-shirt. I didn't cough to announce my arrival, I didn't do anything, other then walk. It was then, as the man turned around; his dark hair falling into his eyes, his pale lips quivering wordlessly, his eye's drowning in tears, that I realized why that stupid immature Doctor ran off. My heart was shrinking but hammering hard against my chest, as if to banish the thought of running off and my mind was narrowing down. I could feel every emotion leaving his body; fear, pain, anguish and most of all love. His head turned to the left to face someone I couldn't see. He gave the mysterious shadow the child and sank to his knee's. Esme, placed a hand on his back promising for the safety of his children, something he wasn't necessarily cared about. The son looked at me, almost knowingly and then as if he was a mind reader, screamed and burst into a thousand drops off a heart brake waterfall. His cheeks began to glow as his lungs screamed freezing me to the little bubble holding what was left off my nobility. I lost it within three seconds off holding it, first the boyfriend looked at me then Esme. My self esteem shattered, a pale long fingered hand closed around her painted lips and clear water fell over the black edge of her bottom eye-lid. Everything seemed to echo in slow motion. First a blow came to my chest and then sobs were muffled against my shirt and finally I felt the powerful aftershock of pure pain. A growl rumbled from the mans chest-I think Esme mumbled for 'John' to stop- and a force unlike anything knocked me flat to the ground.

"How could you? You promised, she promised! You're a liar a pure cold hearted liar, you never even thought of telling me, you knew from the start and you never said a word to me!" John screamed his bottom jaw falling open and a muffled cry burning from the throat. My head it the floor with a big amount off force and my neck was greeted with a pair off two tanned but stinging cold hands. I welcomed the pain, it may of hurt physically but at least I deserved it, this was my punishment and I was _happy_ that it turned it's attention on me. Several people were shouting screaming, still very slowly of course, and I, well apparently I was being punched to death, I couldn't tell.

Time went strangely quick as I was trying to summon up the events of five minutes. I walked into the corridor, kid cries, Esme cries, John screams and cries _and_ punches. Consequently the reason why I was sitting in a cubicle with a nurse and Esme surrounding my broken nose which I was quite oblivious about, I'm not even sure whether it's painful or not.

"So, Dr. Cullen, would did you do this time." the nurse asked. This was a sweet nurse, with dark coffee skin and black coal hair. I didn't remember her name, but I knew that she lived only down the road from us, she was artistic, polite but a little bit un-observant. Her mother used to look after the kids when I was doing over time and her father passed only a few years ago.

"Hmm?" I mumbled, I hated to be rude but I couldn't help it, I wasn't listening. Esme shook her head for some reason, and then I came to my sense's. "Oh...I, well..." I should just come out and be honest, completely honest."Well, I killed someone." I confessed, but I wasn't solemn about it, I was normal. Both Esme and the nurse chocked on there breath. "Carlisle!" Esme scolded. "You know that isn't true, it wasn't your fault!"

I saw red, why wasn't no-one understanding me? Why couldn't they leave me alone?

"Yes it was! I killed my Lizzie now I've killed his Lizzie, you have no idea, Esme! The only thing you've had to worry about is your nephew and shoes!" I was consciously aware of my voice raising above normal level. "Carlisle!" She mouthed, shocked. The tears left her eyes and fell silently over her half open mouth. "You go have kids then kill yourself, then that would be two Lizzie's and two people I actually loved!" I added, feeling like had to repeat myself, I needed to carry-on, why would _she_ understand? She needed to see the point of it all.

"You want me to kill myself?" she chocked, even more of a flood flowing from her eyes. The nurse took a step back as soon as I stood up.

"Why don't you take my kids as well, then everything that's important to me would be dead. Why don't I give you the address of my mother, that would be just great. Oh plus my job, and what else, hm, Lizzie's cousin I was close to her I think her name was Ellie, or something! Why don't you go ahead and take my bullshitting life!" I screamed, kicking the tray full of wipes, out of my way and storming through the corridor.

"This isn't you, if it was Carlisle then you wouldn't even be here screaming at me to kill your family." She shrugged unhelpfully and tried to run after me hence she reached me too soon, I turned to her and told her very quietly to get the hell out of my life before I did it for her.

*.*.*.*.* One week later.

With a grumble a sat down at the kitchen table and stirred my coffee. Damn coffee, it still looked more boring than my own face. It was mixed, just like it's drinker. Well that was a messed up sentence; this is what you get for being an adult. A crap life and an early start to the morning.

"Stop moping dad. God,you're getting as boring as Edward!" Jasper sighed as he too sat beside me at the breakfast bar.

"Oi!" Edward called, he took one look at me, groaned and went back to his book. He mumbled something which sounded a lot like; "his face is so bloody long, it'll fall in his coffee if he's not careful." I'm pretty sure that he did say something along those lines, but at the moment I could not even be bothered to answer. I groaned selfishly and sank even lower onto the stool. Edward took one look at me rolled his eyes and then, for the second time, went back to his book. A whole week, in that week I got told by my boss to take two weeks leave because I wasn't "fit enough to be working in a hospital." She still thinks I yelled at John when in fact I let him give me a broken nose. The kids couldn't stop laughing when I walked through the door.

_"Who was it this time, ANOTHER patient?" Edward asked and then began to laugh again._

_"Unless it was that homeless guy. Remember last time when day gave him a fiver and he said something like he 'Didn't want his Charity' and then he broke dad's nose? " Rose roared with laughter at the memory._

I was mocked all week by those three and occasionally Edward's new best friend Emmett. That was a shock; he arrived at the door with his bike glaring at me and asked stiffly if Edward could come out for a bike ride. What the heck? I was worried they were gonna pound each others face in when out of view. Emmett is a sweet boy, a bad tempered one though. It seems like everyone is angry with me. So far I have a theory; When they were all hanging out in the garden a couple of days ago- just after I was dismissed for two weeks- talking, I came out and offered them all a drink and although Emmet was polite he didn't like me. And as soon as he had to go home Edward called me- quote- _"The most dumbest person he has ever had the dis-pleasure o__f meeting!"_ I had to admit; I was furious at the tone he was using with me. He was turning the table, acting like I was the misbehaving child and him the moping adult. About two hours later he told me to go straight back to Esme and apologize. I refused. I did what I did; because I believed I was not ready. Alright, I was an arrogant arse about it, and I said the most atrocious things but I wasn't ready! No one was.

"Stop arguing or you can both go to your rooms." I mumbled in-audibly. They both shut up soon enough and as soon as my head fell against the counter I actually realized how much I had messed Esme up.

"We share a room!" Edward yelled angrily. He caught my eye, glared disapprovingly then walked off.

The days continued like this, I seemed to drag my feet when I walked, I mumbled instead of talking. I didn't do nothing but feel a cloud of regret hang over me. I would stay up till ridiculous times in the early morning and wake up where I left off, by the phone. Waiting and watching. Edward took over for a bit. He helped brush Rosalie's hair as the screams echoed through the room. He helped pick up Jasper's toys. He even cooked spaghetti and toast as I nearly burned the house down by putting the whole tin in the microwave.

I was getting up for work on the Monday when Edward stormed into the room and closed the door gently. I looked up and nooded nonchantly as a morning and began fixing my tie in the mirror. He didn't look happy with me and I knew why.

"The babysitter will be here soon." I muttered.

He scoffed. "You're not going into work. I called the number on the fridge and Louise said that you've got one more day to sort yourself out."

I did a double take. "Who's Louise?" I asked slightly aggravated. Edward rolled his eyes as I started to undo my tie.

". She was amazed that I knew how to work out a phone I'm nine for god's sake not three. I told her your 'symptoms' and she said that she didn't want you in work if you were still depressed. I promised her one day to sort you out so if you don't listen say goodbye to your job and goodbye to me because Esme's not like this." Her name reopened deep wounds, like someone ripping off a plaster and it feels like it stings forever.

"Dad! Listen and promise me you'll try your hardest. Promise!" He ordered. I grimaced and nodded. "Promise!" He yelled, his fists curling and flexing. "I promise." I yelled back. Unable to stop my mouth twitching towards a smile. So much like Lizzie, so similar, the eyes and the copper hair. With the hot temper. He nodded and motioned five minutes down stairs. I grinned slightly, changed into jeans then grabbed my wallet and walked straight into Rose's room to help her brush her hair.

*.*.*.*

The smell of coffee burnt my nose as I took a sip from my own cup of tea. I was purposely looking behind me where the small compact Starbucks stood, giving me second thoughts about letting Edward choose the shop. We were sitting upon the pavement and just sipping tea, well Edward had a Diet Coke but we were sitting on the pavement.

"That's the problem dad. Your too naive, you expect everyone to be perfect and then when you get hit, you get hit hard. You've have to realize I'm not your mentor, I'm your nine year old son, I should be playing football with you, not acting like a moody wife when you are feeling bad-don't but in- you need to understand we are your _kids_, _you_ look after us!"

I nodded taking mental notes. "Dad, I love you but you need to learn and I can help you if you just tell me what happened. If you talked to me you might not feel so bad." I nodded again and playfully nudged him.

"You would understand if I told you I love Esme, right?" He nodded. "Edward, I failed as a father when I-we first lost your mother and then I learnt. Then I found Esme, and I fell in love again. I could be me, again! But." I exhaled sharply and took a sip from the tea, letting the hot liquid burn my tongue as I took a sip.

"But...What?" Edward asked, the curiosity practically burning him alive.

"Well, there was this girl, exactly like your mother, same age and everything. She was pregnant with twins and...Well I couldn't save her, The guy broke my nose-"

"You mean like you broke the Doctor's nose when you first saw him. Bang, thats a knockout!" He interrupted, imitating the WWF's voice over guy's voice. I laughed lightly.

"Yeah, I guess. But I took it out on Esme, I told her to go have have some twins then die, because that would be two Lizze's and two people I love. And then I basically told her to 'get the hell out of my life before I do it for you." A silent tear fell down my cheek. "I've never hated myself so much." I muttered.

"You know what to do, and that means ten times more then begging!"He added. "But I believe in you, I'll see you later, I'm going to go meet Esme- Emmett, sorry. Bye."

He ran off around the corner, waving as he went. As for me I went to the best Jewelers in town.

**I never thought that we'd throw it all away**  
**But we threw it all away.**

**And I'm a little bit lost without you**  
**And I'm a bloody big mess inside**  
**And I'm a little bit lost without you**  
**This aint a love song this is goodbye (oooooh)**  
**This aint a love song this is goodbye (ooooh)**

**I've been lost, I've been losing**  
**I've been tired, I'm all hurt and confusion**  
**I've been mad, I'm the kind of man that I'm not**  
**I'm going down, I'll be coming back fighting**  
**I may be scared and a little bit frightened**  
**But I'll be back, I'll be coming back to life**  
**I'll be coming back to life.**

I was a surprise waiting to happen.

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**I really hope you enjoyed it, sorry for the long wait. My new years resolution is too complete chapters please review or pm me, thanks for reading xxxxx.  
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	5. My life would suck without you

**So, did you like the last chapter? If not then I don't know what else to say but sorry. I will try to go into more detail, and 'up my game'. This chapter is called "My Life Would Suck Without You" by the one and only Kelly Clarkson. I hope you enjoy it, and I love reviews. Now, if you want an idea on what the story is going to be like, go on to YOUTUBE and watch the video MISERY by Maroon 5.  
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**Thanks for sticking with me, Kim xx =)**

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**Esme's P.O.V**

My thumb pressed the button on the television remote. Still nothing, nothing on T.V, nothing going, nothing at **all!** I groaned and combed my golden locks with my fingers. _Isn't there anything?_! The kettle whistled as if to distract me, so I went out into the small kitchen and poured myself a drink. The counter needed a wipe down, it was covered with 'Pot Noodle' stains, crystallised sugar, and dried cake mix from yesterday afternoon. I grabbed a yellow sponge from the sink, the _'Jif' _kitchen cleaner from the window sill and began to clean all around the kitchen. I cleaned the cooker, magically changing the colour from a light brown to a Pearl white.

I had finished that sooner then what I thought possible. The main point of that exercise was to keep me busy and to stop me moping! Well, fat lot of good that was. The doorbell went at the moment, giving me the sad emotion of excitement as I went to answer it. I chucked the sponge into the sink and ran through the living room until I reached the door.

"Esme? Hurry up! Oh, please, be in!"

I opened the door to see Edward; red in the face, panting and almost stumbling through the door.

"Edward? Er, Emmett's at his mothers. I can call him if you like but-"

His waved his hand as if to stop me. He coughed and then stood up straighter making sure he brushed the dirt off his plain, green grass T-shirt before talking again.

"Could I please have a drink?"He managed to gasp. I nodded ashamed at my hospitality and gave him a glass of water. After he gulped that down and wiped his mouth he began to speak again. "Right, I need you to be as forgiving as possible, and promise you'll be as fair as you can. Thanks, by the way."

"What's going on? Have you broken something? Or played a prank on someone?" I asked rather sternly. I was actually getting kind of nervous now, we all knew that Emmett could be rather...Idiotic at times. It surprised me that Edward laughed.

"Of course not. I just need you to trust me and promise that you'll take your own personally feelings- before all this happened - into account." He grinned and tucked his hands into his trouser pockets. I was about to ask what he was talking about, but the door bell rang, again.

"It's like a London bus around here, wait ages for one, then they all come at once." I muttered. Edward nearly fainted. He gasped then scarpered out of sight. I bet he's in trouble, he's broken something of someones. Or worse, he probably called the emergency line then did a runner. If that's right, then I'm going to ground Emmett for months. I really wish he wouldn't influence people younger then him.

The doorbell rang impatiently for the third time. "I'm coming. Hold on." I grumbled in annoyance. And when I opened the door, I wished I hadn't.

_**Guess this means you're sorry **_  
_**You're standing at my door **_  
_**Guess this means you take back **_  
_**All you said before **_  
_**Like how much you wanted **_  
_**Anyone but me **_  
_**Said you'd never come back **_  
_**But here you are again **_

_**'Cause we belong together now, yeah **_  
_**Forever united here somehow, yeah **_  
_**You got a piece of me **_  
_**And honestly, **_  
_**My life (my life) would suck (would suck) without you**_!

Carlisle grinned sheepishly, then pressed a large handful of lily's in my hand. He began to open his mouth but he was cut off by the force of the flowers whacking him around the face sharply. Before I could regret anything, I slammed the door and stormed off towards my bedroom where I lay on my bed, reading and listening to some random hate music.

It wasn't five minutes later when I got a knock on the window. Frustrated, I turned to see him; blonde hair; out of place and petals relaxing on his collar, his face; flushed a red, especially his left cheek from where I whacked him round the face with the flowers and his smile; left sided and warm, was still in its rightful place. A growl escape my chest as I walked over to the window and shut the curtains. He was going to pay! He had no right to of said what he did. He doesn't know the half of it. He doesn't know anything.

My feet dragged me into the kitchen as I looked into the fridge for some useful objects.

It wasn't two minutes later that he called through my bedroom window; "I love you!". I pelted more fruit at him at yelled -even though it made my throat burn after just getting better from a throat infection- as loud as I could; "I hope you get run over by a truck!". It made my face burn pure red and I ended up coughing my guts up after. Lucky enough he got the hint and jumped out of the road.. He fixed his striped tie, flashed me a cheeky bright grin and began climbing the black fire escape rails. Oh, great. Three guesses for who's acting hero of the scene!

"This isn't going to be a scene from _Pretty Woman_, I'll tell you that now." I threatened.

He chuckled and shook his head gently. "I'm nothing if not thorough." He laughed lightly and went to reach for my hand as he reached my window. To my surprise I took it and watched him steady us both from the height. Ah, as met his match; heights. His right hand, damp from sweat, grabbed the rail tightly. The back of his hand turned white from the clench of his fist.

"Sorry? I couldn't hear anything, it was if nothing was talking to me." I sneered, deeply hoping that my words stung him like lemon juice on a graze. He mimicked being hurt but I ignored it, as if I was going to let him make me feel like I was the bad guy!- Or in this case; Gal. He pulled the beige jumper over his jeans and gave my hand a squeeze.

I didn't do anything, just glared into his midnight eyes, almost expecting him to beg for forgiveness. He didn't move he simply stood there looking at his feet, is mouth opening every few seconds as if to say something heartfelt then snapping shut again. On the fifth attempt he actually said something.

"Esme, you cannot believe how sorry I am. I do truly love you and I-" He stopped, carefully waiting for the explosion meant to burst out of my chest. It never came.

Although I did believe I loved him back I would never of let him have that amount of control from the start. So I turned at jumped back into my bedroom kicking random belongings out of the way as I went. Cullen was still outside, breathing deeply. I rolled my eyes and asked sarcastically, if he was going to follow. He did in the end, as he sat against the couch he turned his all shaking frame to face me. A tear fell from the corner of his eye, and as much as I hated myself for it, I did nothing but purse my lips. With the heel of his hand he rubbed his eyes and then sank lower into the worn out, he knew what was coming next. I wasn't talking about a snuggle up on the sofa and I think Carlisle understood that. I made a cup of tea, brought his in for him and sat on the far corner of the two-seater chocolate brown couch. After taking an intake of breath, and smelling his strong after-shave I listened intently as he poured his heart out.

I could succesfully say, I had never cried so much in my life and I had never hated myself so much, either.

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**Sorry it wasn't so long, I'll try better next again and happy new year, I really can't thank you enough please review.  
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**Kim. xxxx  
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